Tears

We had tears this morning from Jacob:( Yesterday I finally found out one name from each kid of their "friends". Ryan's friend is Gavin and although Ryan says he gets in trouble a lot, he's still his friend. I told him that's fine but not to get into trouble with him! But, that I was glad he is learning names of other students.
Jacob said his friends name is Issac. I was so proud of him for being able to say the boys name. As we know, Jacob does have some speech delays, and this worries me to no end about how he is getting along in school. My prayer is that school helps him progress with it, not revert backwards due to frustration.
Anyway, later last night, we found out that Issac tried to steal his chips, pushed him and hit him in the face...great friend. However, I suppose this can be categorized as "kid stuff" but it hurts a mommy's heart. Now, I know that it is very very possible that Jacob contributed to these situations in some form, I'm not blind to my children. Regardless, we told him to try his best to still be nice and if this boy doesn't stop to tell the teacher. This to me is a sticky situation. If Jacob tells, I really don't want him to grow into a tattle tell, however, if Jacob deals with it his self, he will also get in trouble and will not be any better of than the other kid.
Anyway, last night awhile after the Issac revelation, Jacob told me he didn't want to go to school. He loved me and wanted to stay home with me and he missed me. Well you must know that at that point I wanted to snatch him up and tell him he never had to go to school again! Is that what I did, no. I know that I can't do that. So we talked for a minute then I told him to get some sleep and we'd talk about it again in the morning, praying he was just tired and had a long week.
No such luck.....this morning that was the first thing he said to me, he's not going to school. After a lot of discussion (and a small bribe of renting a movie after school for being such a big boy), loads of tears, and taking an hour to eat and get dressed, he was still crying when Hazel got here with Kolton (who spent the night at his mom's). As Hazel and I started talking, Jacob made a transformation! He got out of the chair, got his bag and started talking to his brothers and opening the door to leave! It was seriously like nothing had ever happened, none of the tears had ever fell! He was happy. I was happy.
I was 100% prepared to send Jacob off to school crying and not wanting to go. Yes, it would have torn me into a million pieces. Jeremy and I have decided that we need to give it a few weeks to see if he just needs adjusting and not be so tired, get used to his new routine (he's had the same routine for over 3 years now, it has to be hard to change). Or, if maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. His speech therapist had suggested awhile back that we may want to consider holding him back 1 year for kindergarten and we went off and put him in pre-k, a year before kindergarten is supposed to even start. Our thinking was he was ready and that instead of hindering his speech (not being able to communicate like the rest or even enough to be understood may cause frustration and cause him to clam up and withdraw), this would actually help it. Now, we'll have to wait and see.
I am glad for now this has a good ending. I have already prayed for him twice today and am sure that will not be the last time. I have looked to the Lord a lot these past few days for help with sending my babies off to school. It has affected me in ways I didn't think it would, I am crushed by it. Ryan is doing well, I am almost positive he is enjoying himself and is getting into a routine and knows school is a permanent thing now, with 2 days off after many days of school. And Kolton is a pro and he knows everyone in his class. He knows his teacher fairly well, more than any other he's had. He is also getting to do things this year that he hasn't been able to do before, like play the recorder (a plastic flute like instrument). And he is starting the Alpha program this year which is a special class once a week for kids who do well academically plus have shown themselves to be creative and imaginative in their work. We are so proud of him, and he is proud of himself with that (though not in a boasting way at all) and I think that is great. I pray for him that he will continue to enjoying learning and do well.
Please, if you read this, pray for me and Jacob. Pray that I will know if God is telling me what to do with Jacob and not just a mother's heart telling her what to do.